September 13, 2018

B., these last months have been hard for both of us. And it's been my fault. It will be a very long time until I can make things right, and the way things went soon after we got back together was not how I intended to start. Relationships are so complex and I very often I find it hard to know what is right. It breaks me inside to ask difficult things of one person in order to alleviate some of the pain in another, because I know I am at the root of it all. You have showed me over and over that you can forgive and trust when it's hard and that fact makes me think so highly of you I don't know how to put it in words. 

I respect you so much for always trying to see me with my faults and mistakes in a good light. I look up to your character so much. You are the kind of person I aim to be, and I am a long way off. I've never met someone with such compassion and empathy and understanding in them and it makes you incredibly special to me. Every day that I get to be in your life makes me into a better person. Through you I've become more passionate, more sympathetic, more appreciative. I've developed better temperance over myself and have begun to look at the world more slowly and appreciate the beauty in it. The ways that you express yourself are beautiful in the deepest sense of the word. Your passions are truly good and often I wonder to myself how I managed to keep you in my life. Why do I deserve someone like you? How can someone with such faults attract someone else who seems to have none at all? I once told you that you were the most beautiful girl I would ever date. It's true. Because I'll never want to date another girl again. 

You've affected me in ways that will stay with me for the rest of my life and I will be forever grateful for that.