March 11, 2019

My love,

There is a quote: There is no such thing as love without the anticipation of loss. I've thought about it often and deeply, and found it true. I think our relationship might reflect this more than most, and yet think it makes what we have deeper. Love wouldn't be real if losing it didn't hurt. And it does hurt. To anticipate loss is to have in the mind, though maybe buried deep, the fact that you share something deep and profound and you never want it to slip away. It's a forever yearning that defines how you experience the other person. We're so far apart and I believe this feeling is that much more compelling were we were together. There are often things I want to say to you while driving home alone, or when I wake up in the quiet of night. These things sit in my mind and eventually fade away; their loss is another part of loving. We live separate lives that we share together but still we lose the moments when we're apart. Nobody can live totally in the wake of another person's life, and nobody should, but it's this unfulfilled wanting of that type of sacrifice that descries the feeling of loss which all lovers share. You will never lose me again. I've lived just long enough to learn what I want most in life, and it's to share it with you. 

Yours forever,

Kalvin